A story: It’s Wednesday morning. Last night someone thought it would be a good idea to go to 50 Cent Wing Tuesdays at Deja Vu, but for some reason buffets and strip clubs don’t mesh well. You’re hungover, and you’re tired, and because you hit the snooze button a few too many times you’re late to work. There’s no time to make coffee at home, you start speeding to make up for time, and luckily that cop you thought was blaring sirens for you went right by to arrest that hippie in his Subaru toking up a fatty. The line at Starbucks is bound to be out the door, and you can’t stand all the hipsters at the independent coffee shop, so you figure you’ll just get coffee at the office. You’re in a hurry once you get to the building, and even though your lazy ass knows the stairs are quicker, you opt for the elevator instead because you see that babe from the 5th floor getting on. She smiles…your mind immediately flashes to the copy room where you rip each other’s clothes off and make copies of her ass cheeks. Flash back to the elevator, you know this is your big moment to drop a witty one-liner and make this the best day ever. But you do not say a damned thing, because today is going to be like every other day, just an average, mundane day. A day filled with ups and downs that more or less equate to an equilibrium. Realizing this, you get off the elevator and head straight for the break room to ingest some fuel for the morning, some of that incredibly average black liquid that doesn’t taste good but gets the job done so you can too.
It’s so average the floor manager hides the coffee packets so you can’t actually decipher a brand. Sometimes there’s sugar, if you’re lucky there’s cream or milk, and with a little magic it might not taste half bad. Think you’re a badass and like to drink it black? Think again bro. But the real reason you drink it is for its unbridled power, its ability to keep you awake through that snoozer of a meeting at 10 o’clock and actually stay focused. Sure it might stain your teeth and give you terrible breath, but at least you have the stamina to punch out 100 TPS reports today. If you’re old, now you know why your kid is addicted to Adderall during exam week, and if you’re young, you wish your buddy with the script still lived with you so you didn’t have to drink this mud every morning. Ultimately, coffee gets your juices flowing, so even though in the office it tastes like chalk, the pros and cons weigh out to a glaring Mediocre and you go with it.
Sadly, your focus juices aren’t the only ones that the coffee gets flowing, and you will undoubtedly spend the afternoon in the men’s room parting ways with those atomic wings from Deja Vu. But that’s Wednesday, mediocrity at its finest.