It’s Wednesday, and in case you’ve forgotten what that means, click here to get a taste of what this average day is all about. You will be treated to some very mediocre writing about some very mediocre topics. And if you didn’t forget what MedWed was all about, then you might be wondering why there hasn’t been one in a few weeks. I’ve been wondering that myself, and I’ve come to the very unexciting conclusion that I can only share mediocrity to the world once I have experienced it. I haven’t written in a few weeks because I simply haven’t done much these past few weeks, and consequently I haven’t witnessed that much mediocrity. I’ve considered doing a MedWed on myself, and how mediocre my days have been recently, but that’s a card I’m going to save for later. On that note, yes, I have done something with my life recently, and the awful averageness of America has shown itself to me in its true form. I went to Ann Arbor, and no, that town is far from mediocre, it’s amazing. But what is incredibly mediocre was my method of transportation: the Megabus.
This week’s MedWed will focus on that Megabus, and public transportation as a whole. Now I don’t have much experience with trains or subways because of Detroit (Brilliant idea by the way! Everyone owns a car so an efficient public transportation system must not be necessary for a major city, right!), but I do have some experience with buses. I’ve done numerous trips on the Megabus across our fair country, I’ve ridden ‘cross town on city buses with hobos and pickpockets, and I’ve traveled across a large college campus at 2 a.m. on a Saturday night with bush league freshmen that can’t hold their alcohol. And what have I learned? Buses are the worst…it makes me realize why people still drink and drive. They’re cramped and nauseating, they smell like shit and the bus driver is always an ass hole: “Um, excuse me sir, I’m new to this town, can you tell me which stop I should get off at?” “SIT DOWN OR GET OFF THE BUS!” Everyone on the bus hasn’t showered in like three days, you can never find a seat, and you were the lucky guy to get sandwiched between the two hippopotamus-sized women sharing their McDonald’s lunch with each other. Have you ever seen the lowlifes that hang out at Greyhound stations?! It’s all crackheads, prostitutes and thieves, just waiting for some doe-eyed easygoing girl to step off the bus with smiles looking for someone to give her directions; next thing she knows, well she doesn’t know. Every day this shit happens to people around the country…I don’t even want to imagine what buses are like in India or other parts of the world; I would never be able to complain again. So how do buses magically weigh out to mediocrity like every other MedWed thus far? They get you places. And they get you there cheap, simple as that.
It’s the reason we don’t all fly first class on Virgin airlines…because most American citizens are cheap and can’t afford it. Why do we brave through such amazingly terrible conditions to get to our destination? Why do we take a ten hour bus ride with no AC or leg room instead of hopping on our Austin Powers jumbo jet and shagging Elizabeth Hurley first class? It’s because we live on budgets, very mediocre budgets. Public transportation is a shitty yet efficient way of getting places, and without it cities would fall to ruin (cough Detroit, cough). My Megabus cost me like 1/8th of what a flight would have cost, so in the end, despite the Asian kid sitting next to me whispering weird shit to his girlfriend the whole way, or the seats that wouldn’t recline, or the fat chick that kept farting, or the the kid that got locked in the bathroom and delayed us for a half hour on the way there…despite all that shit, I wanted to get to Ann Arbor and a plane ticket was out of the question, so yes it was worth it.